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Friday, March 16, 2007

I Hate the Scale!!!! And Other Self-Psycho-Analysis

I know that I am only supposed to weigh myself once a week, but I can't bring myself to do it. I wonder why my weight fluctuates so much during the week. Is it me, or is it everyone? I did skip weighing myself yesterday. The day before I weighed 350. Today, I weighed 352. Grrrr!!!

I know, I know. I should only weigh once a week. I am just too curious. When I see that I am losing weight during the week, it is quite a boost. If don't see the numbers going in the right direction, I get upset. Yet, it seems to motivate me to keep working. Monday is the real day for weigh ins.

The other issue is fat loss vs. muscle gain. With the weight training, I should be gaining muscle which will offset fat loss. I mentioned before that I should get calipers to measure fat. The problem is that they are not sold at any stores in my area. I could order them over the internet, but the shipping costs seem to equal the cost of the calipers. I am too cheap spend my money that way. I am headed to Detroit this weekend. Maybe I can find some there.

Of course, I find nothing more embarrassing than a being a fat man buying health and fitness stuff. I know it should not bother me, but I imagine that it calls more attention to how fat I am. I imagine that people will be even more judgmental. I dread the idea of someone saying to me, "I can see you really need this aerobics video, but you need to lay off the wings and mash potatoes too pal."

Of course, no one has ever said those things to me. Sometimes my imagination is worse than reality. If I really think about it, I am probably projecting my judgmentalism on others. In other words, I have been judgmental of others. I have been judgmental of myself. I am probably just projecting my feelings on others and resenting them for it. My resentment should really be directed toward myself. I should learn to be less judgmental. Then perhaps, I will not worry so much about how others are judging me.

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