Self-Respect and Easter

After writing the previous post, I realized something else. I had planned for Easter to be a free-day sticking to healthy foods. I was planning to indulge in all the deliscious foods at local Easter buffet. Then perhapsh, I would have a few of my favorite Easter candies, like jelly beans, chocolate covered, peanut butter eggs, and Russel Stover nests (a coconut, chocolate thingy).

But now that I think about it, that would be a complete disrespect of myself. What would be the point of such over-indulgence? Would it help me continue eating healthy by taking a break from it? Probably not. Instead, it might make me think about eating that kinda garbage even more.

So here is my plan of attack. I will only get one plate of food. I might take something not so healthy, like a saugage link, but I will only take one. I will keep everything to small portions, but first I will take up a large part of the plate with salad and fruit. I can live without the dessert and candy. I can respect myself enough not to eat that junk.

Introspection is a good thing.

Living Fit Is My #1 Job!

Self-Respect

I know an overweight lady who belongs to Curves. This is a fitness center for women only. Every once in a while they have diet challenge. They last a few weeks. I noticed that she was eating salads every day. She rolled her eyes one day and said she was on a diet challenge.

The other day, we were at a community potluck. I was able to find some nice vegetable soup, a whole wheat roll, and a salad. This lady found some other things that I am sure were not on the diet challenge. She got the dessert table and announced that this was on the diet but she HAD to have one. She picked up some cheesecake.

At that moment, I discovered something about myself. Whenever I choose to eat unhealthy food, I disrespect myself and cause others to do so as well. When this lady said she HAD to have a piece of cheesecake, I thought, "That's exactly what you don't need to have." At that moment, she became the fat person stereotype to everyone there. She had no self-control. She had no respect for herself. In turn, no one else respected her either.

I am not trying to denigrate her, nor do I think myself better than her. I had been taking the desserts for years (sans announcement). Only now, I realize what it said about myself and caused others to think of me. I had no respect for my body. My body is a gift from God, but I have shown it little respect. How can I expect others to respect me, if I don't respect myself.

This lady later quipped that she could not wait until the diet challenge was over. I thought, it already was. Even if she stuck to it perfectly, she was not looking at it as a positive step for her health. She looked at it as a drudgery. She was like a criminal waiting to be released from jail. Yesterday, she brought a heaping plate of nachos for lunch, filled with sour cream, liquid cheese, and greasy meat.

I hope this lesson sticks so that the next time I am tempted to eat that way again, I don't. When I was living such an unfit lifestyle, I wanted people to respect for who I was, not how much I weighed. I realize that I did not even respect myself.

Now, I respect myself even though I have a long ways to go to get to a healthy weight. Even though others assume I am eating nachos and desserts and being lazy, I still respect myself and this body. I know what I am doing even if others don't. One day, the respect I have for myself will reflect on how I look, how I act, and how I feel.

This leads me to the motto I finally came up with: Living fit is my #1 job. I know. It's not very catchy, but I realized that I have been saying this to myself daily to keep me motivated. This dovetails into my newly discovered priorities. I will talk about these in an upcoming post.

Living fit is my #1 job.

Week 8 Weigh In

Monday morning I weighed 345.4 lbs. This was a loss of 3.2 lbs. since last week. Not too shabby since I was sick and missed several days of my exercise routine. The ear feels much, much better.

I must admit that the weight has been coming off fast. The last time I tried getting my eating and exercise habits in control, I was 340 lbs. I got down to 265 lbs. So it's a little frustrating that after 2 months, I still weigh more than I did when I started last time.

To keep myself going, I focus on the fact that (1) I am losing, (2) my eating habit are have changed for good, (3) I have an exercise routine, and (4) I am living a fit lifestyle.

Bubba & Goonies

If there is one thing I hate, it is shopping for clothes. "Bubba & Goonies" is my nickname for "Big & Tall." I hate going to that section in a store. What is really embarrassing is that I got to the point where the clothes there were not big enough. Talk about depressing. I had to start shopping at specialty stores.

Last year, my mother passed away, and I needed to get a sports coat for the funeral (No time for a suit to get tailored). Well, the Bubba & Goonies store didn't have anything dignified in my size. They recommended another store which specialized in suits and sports coats and such. I bought a nice looking one there, but it was the largest size they had in stock. Honestly, it was still a little tight. Each store I went into, I made my family wait in the car. I did not want to be humiliated in front of them. The whole experience was quite demeaning.

I started to order clothes through a catalog, but of course, you don't get to try them on before you buy them. I found that the most affordable clothing were low in quality, and the clothing wore out too quickly.

I even hate the fact that mailperson sees that I get the catalog in the mail.

Speaking of those catalogs, how come none of the models are fat? They are big, like football player big, but not fat. I would rather see what the clothes look like on a fat person. I have no delusions that I will look like the football player if I buy those clothes.

For now, I am looking forward to the day when I can go into a regular clothing store and buy clothes that fit from the regular section. I want to buy a couple of nice suits. I want to buy a few nice pairs of jeans. I have not worn jeans in years. Perhaps by the one year mark January 28, 2008, I will be able to. Whether or not I do, I will continue to live a fit lifestyle.

I need to come up with some sort of motto for myself. I will have to put some thought into it.

3rd Day of Spring

AAAAAAH, I FEEL GOOD!!! {insert James Brown music here} Well, at least I feel much better than I have felt the last couple of days. I saw my doctor yesterday and he decided to start me on a second antibiotic. I only woke up with pain once last night, I don't feel like there is as much pressure in my ear. It's still blocked up, but I felt good enough to do some weight training this morning. It felt great. Doctor said that it must be a resistant strain of something or other. It looks like the double whammy is doing it in.

2nd Day of Spring

IT SUCKS!!!!

It's warmer here, but that means it's in the 40's rather than the 30's. My ear is still killing me. This ear infection really stinks! I haven't been able to keep my exercise routine this week because of it. I am in pain most of the time. I never had an ear infection until last summer. That one was painful too, but I don't remember it lasting as long.

On the good side, my eating habits have been good. If anything, I have eaten less. I only skipped a couple of meals because of the pain. I have not thrown myself into comforts foods or anything which is so easy to do when you feel miserable. But then again, I have not been tempted. The pain is a real appetite buster. I have made sure that I do eat even when I don't feel like it. I know my body needs the fuel and nutrients to fight the infection.

I am just frustrated that the progress I was making is going to be stalled by this infection. I am very determined to get back in my exercise routine, but I am also concerned about what the scale will read next Monday. Yesterday, I maintained. I didn't weigh today. But what really counts is Mondays anyhow. Well, I am going to stick to my new lifestyle despite this minor set back.

Pictures after passing the 350 mark

Next ones when I break 340.