Friday, February 1, 2008
More One Year Reflections
First of all, I want to say how humbled I am by all those comments. I started this blog mainly to help motivate myself. When others tell me that they are inspired or motivated by my blog, I am taken aback. Sure, I hoped others would read and give me encouraging feedback. That does happen, and I am truly grateful. But when others are encouraged by me, I am stunned. Anyhow, I thank all of you for all your comments...except those who I have to delete because they are just trying to advertise.
Today, I want to refect upon my mood. When I began my journey of fitness, I was down in the dumps quite a bit. My mother had passed away about 6 month prior. My father had Alzheimer's and I was put in charge of all his affairs. This required that I travel 3 hours 2-4 a month to take care of things. My father was living with me part of the time and with my sister the other part. Some people were making trouble for me at work. My wife and I wanted to move back to the suburbs. Small town life didn't fit us. I was not happy. I was always tired. I was frequently sick with colds and such, but also infection and gi problems. I was pretty down most of the time.
Things have changed over this last year including my mood. I have pretty much put all my dad's finances in order. I still travel the 3 hours to care of his two properties (1 is a rental). However, I usually go there no more than twice a month. My father now lives in assisted living close to us. The trouble at work has subsided, but we still want to get back to the suburbs. I have not been able to make that happen yet. I am rarely sick and when I am, I am still able to function. I suffer no more infections or gi problems (knock on wood). I am still tired much of the time, but now I have an excuse. It's because I exercise a lot.
So how's my mood then? Much better than it was a year ago. I am not down in the dumps all the time. But, I feeling down sometimes. I don't think a week goes by that I don't. Last year, I don't think a day went by that I didn't feel that way. I don't feel as happy and positive about things as I thought I would by now. I don't wake up in the morning jumping out of bed with excitement, energy, and enthusiasm. Many times, I have to talk myself into exercising. Strangely, I think that I feel best when I am exercising. I am pretty happy when I am playing with the kids too. Unfortunatley, I don't feel any more enthusiasm for my work.
The bottom line is that I feel like I am more on an even keel with a few lows and even fewer highs. Again, this is a great improvement from where I was, but it is not where I want to be. I guess I need to work on my mental health along with my physical health.
One more reflection for today. After a year of living fit, I still need to be on my guard so to speak. I still have to play mind games. There is a nasty little voice that tells me that I can let loose because it's been a year. I can eat horrible if I just exercise a little more. I don't need to control myself so much. I deserve to let things slip a little. What EVIIIIIIIL!!!! You would think after a year, the habits I have formed would steer me away from such thinking. Instead, I know that I am still on the precipice. No matter how many times I think I am taking paths that lead me far from the edge, I still find myself looking down into that deep chasm. It's like a bad recurring dream. By the grace of God, I am still looking down rather than up.
Living Fit Is My #1 Job!