I Have Been Here Before and Failed!!!!!!!!!!

Since the beginning of my journey, I repeated to myself that I am not on a diet. I simply just eat healthy now. There is no way to fall off the diet, blow it, backslide, or whatever since I am not on a diet. Now and then, I can have a piece of cake, or some nachos, or a slice of pizza. That is okay. That worked pretty darned good...until Christmas.

So I had a couple of cookies...no big deal. Who cares? I still exercised. I ate healthy otherwise. Then a few days later I had a couple more. It was okay. I worked hard. A couple more cookies wasn't a problem. Then we went to my in-laws for a couple of days. They made pancakes and bacon for breakfast and had desserts after every lunch and dinner. I ate in moderation.

Then we came back home. I started eating little treats each day. Some chocolate here, some cookies there, some ice cream over there. Again, it was not without abandon. I was not eating like I used to.

But then it hit me. Deja vu. I was in this place before (five years ago). I had turned my life around. I was eating well. I was exercising. A little treat here and there soon turned into an every day thing. Then came the binges. I would eat a lot one day then lay low for the rest of the week. The scale wasn't too bad to me. Soon the binging was more frequent. Then next thing I knew, I was eating tons of horrible food every day, not exercising and weighing 115 lbs. heavier. I had been here before and failed!!!!!!!

So how is this time going to be any different? Thankfully, most of the junk has been consumed...no not by me, by the kids...well some by me. But I have stopped. No more little treats here and there each day. I need to get that crap outta my system. Rebalance the chemicals and all that crap. I am not so sure it's resolve or willpower. I don't put much stock in those. I think it's fear. The recognition that I had been here before and failed, scared me. Of course, it didn't change anything for a few days, but now it has. I can't let all I have done go down the tubes now.

I think the blogging has helped too. Though I originally was using it as a way to be accountable to myself, I must admit that there is a bit of pride involved. I would feel too ashamed to come so far publicly to publicly fail. I don't want to be like those bloggers who are gung ho for a little while but then fade away and eventually shut down their blogs. I want to be a success. I want to continue to be fit. I want to lose the excess poundage.

Besides, I have thrown away my old clothes and cannot afford to buy them again...because, I already have new clothes. I was thrilled a couple of weeks ago when I walked into a GAP and could buy clothes off the rack. Granted they were 2x, but GAP is like a regular clothing store. Also, my wife bought me an XL button down shirt and size 42 pants for Christmas. She bought them to be incentive to keep losing weight. She was a little miffed that I could already fit into them. Sure they were a little tight, but doable. I decided not to wear them into February. Hopefully, she will feel a little better about that.

I am getting pretty close to a couple of goals. I am close to 265 lbs. which is what I got down to last time. Actually, I think I have been there because that was my weight according to my old spring scale which currently weighs me around 261. The digital scale is the one I take my readings from now and I believe that it is more accurate. My other goal is to wear pants sizes that start with a 3. I hope to get to the first goal by the end of the month. The second goal by summer.

With all these things going on, I plan to succeed where I previously failed especially because now...

Living Fit Is My #1 Job!